The voice within and without
1
MULTIPLE IDENTITIES
A while back I drew a deep breath and boldly stated that I was a writer. It felt very intense (I’m not much for public proclamations). I wanted to claim it for myself, as an identity, with confidence, because right now, in this connected world awash in apps and feeds and every person standing on their tiny virtual podium telling us who they are, I wanted to feel solid too.
I still think of myself as a writer, but I’m not as married to the title, no longer so committed to branding myself, to wearing that badge, for I am many things, more than I can count, more than I care to expose on my blog, writing from this, my own tiny virtual podium for my own tiny virtual audience (hi!).
The downside to identifying your whole self with your job self is that if you lose your job or you’re re-orged into an entirely different position (which has happened to me) or you just have a bad week at work, your whole identity is on the line, and that’s a step closer to personal crisis.
The separation between our work identities and our home identities feels blurrier than ever, so it’s time to erase the smudge and draw those boundaries in bold ink, for we are not only what we do—we contain multitudes.
2
ALONE TOGETHER
In this time of being overly attached to our tiny, powerful pocket computers, I often think negatively about the concept of being alone together, picturing two people sitting across from each other at the dinner table, mindlessly scooping their meals into their mouths, phones balanced in their hands, blue light casting a sallow glow on their faces, physically together but mentally alone.
That’s the sad view, the depressing outlook, my pessimistic brain skewing the world negative.
This article uplifts my thought and balances the truth: engaging in parallel play (which is the term used for toddlers playing near each other while doing different things) is good for us. We feel safe and supported by our proximity to someone we love, even as we engage in different types of play.
So grab a book or a deck of cards or a sack of Bananagrams and go sit with your favorite person, and enjoy their presence, as comforting as a weighted blanket, alone together.
3
MEETING TIPS
Years ago I was in a big meeting at a big corporation, and my manager looked around and quietly murmured, “How much is this meeting costing?” I haven’t looked at a meeting the same way since.
Meetings are a part of corporate life—they account for between 30 and 70% of my workweek, depending on the team I’m part of, the projects I’m writing for, and who I work with. In meetings, team members can build rapport and trust, disseminate the same information to multiple people in one go, and spark ideas that breathe life into projects. Meetings also take up precious work time, interrupting the chunks of “flow” time creators need, breaking up days into half-hour chunks, and knocking off people’s thinking caps.
Plus, like I mentioned before, they cost a lot of money. Break down a person’s annual wages into an hourly rate, and meetings are aggressively expensive ways to solve problems. Yet they’re often useful, and—this just occurred to me—they fill a niche for people who learn aurally; some people may want to read a spec or an email thread to understand the problem they’re expected to solve, while others may want someone to explain the problem with words, then collaboratively brainstorm solutions together. So in that way, meetings are a spoke in the wheel of options supporting different learning styles.
Here are tips for deciding whether to schedule or attend a meeting:
1. Could the goal of this meeting be accomplished in a different way? If yes, don’t schedule the meeting. If no, share an agenda beforehand, and make sure you’ve clearly defined who’s leading the meeting and what you want to accomplish.
2. How expensive is this meeting? If the collective cost of your meeting is in the hundreds of thousands or million-dollar range, consider if it’s the best use of everyone’s time. Trim it down to key stakeholders.
3. How long can you expect people to focus, particularly in a remote environment? 25 minutes is ideal. And build in breaks if your meeting goes over an hour. At some point, we humans do need to recharge.
4. Lacking connection? Build in something a little goofy or fun.
5. Not sure whether to attend? Try not going. I’ve attended countless meetings, and missed out on loads of proper focus time, only to realize a half hour in that it’s not important for me to be there. “But what if I’m the one person who’s going to share the essential thing?!” I know, I feel that way too. Back away slowly. Remember that there’s too much information in the world to ever know it all, and if you really need to be there, someone will dial you in.
6. Don’t forget to build relationships. If you’re attending group project meetings but never connecting with individual colleagues, you’re missing out. Schedule 1:1s to catch up and bond. It’ll improve your mental health, and you’ll work better together too.
7. Set boundaries—just because your work can always be on doesn’t mean it should.
Go forth and meet with confidence (from the safety of your living room).
4
BIG BOX ALTERNATIVES
Tired of supporting mega-corporations but don’t want to give up online shopping? Try these alternative outlets:
Uncommon Goods and Etsy have been my go-tos for gifts for years and years. I’m delighted to see them on this list. I recently tried Grove Collaborative and recommend their three-ply bamboo toilet paper and their plastic-free cleaning collection. And a thousand plus-ones to Better World Books, where you can buy new and used books and neutralize the carbon footprint of your shipping too.
5
CONCERTS FROM THE HOME STAGE
I miss going to live shows. I know some of y’all are back at it; I am jealous of your confidence to go out into the world so boldly. Though they’re not a one-to-one substitute for live concerts, streaming live concerts and revisiting recorded concerts has kept my spirits up and filled my concert cup this past year and a half. I watched so many NPR Tiny Desk Concerts some months back. I couldn’t get enough—the banter, the joy, the closeness. Here are some faves:
Lizzo—her pure joy
Dave Matthews—his between-song chatter
Phoebe Bridgers—I used this one to explain green screens and prepare my little ones to pick up on clues that a video isn’t as real as it seems (bonus educational moment!)